I recently dedicated an entire hour of my radio show to the topic of spanking children. I wanted to talk about the dangers of using spanking to correct a child’s behavior. I was prepared to provide listeners with a host of alternative discipline strategies. Instead, I spent most of the hour defending my position to irate callers who were stuck on the notion that they have a right to spank their children. They refused to believe that spanking a child could cause any damage. In fact, those in support of spanking consider it a necessary part of their parenting repertoire. They called the radio station armed with the typical reasons that parents give for using spanking as a behavior management approach. Below I offer you their reasoning and my rebuttal to each.

Reason #1: I was spanked as a child and I turned out all right.

Rebuttal: The very fact that you see hitting another person as okay because you were hit is anindication that something is not all right. Your thinking is askew. No one would accept this argument if we were talking about hitting your spouse or striking a co-worker. In fact when that occurs it is called spousal abuse or assault. Striking children for any reason is a form of abuse and it is an assault on their being.

Phenomenal strides in the medical field and in health care have taken place over the past fifteen years. We know so much more about brain development and the psychology of the mind than when we were kids. Why apply the notion that what was okay back then is okay now? Would you choose a surgical procedure that is twenty-five years old when other more updated approaches were available? Would you go to a doctor who refused to stay current on medication side effects? Would you carry in your pocket a phone that was used in the eighties? I think not. We are always looking for the best in health care and electronics. The same should apply to our children.

Reason #2: As long as you don’t leave marks you won’t be causing any lasting damage.

Rebuttal: Have you seen the latest research? The results from two separate studies were released in September. Researchers at Duke University, who studied over 2500 toddlers and their parents, reported in the journal Child Development that children who were spanked early and frequently demonstrated more aggressive behavior at age 2, and by age 3 these children appeared to have slower socio-emotional development. The results of a study by the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire found that spanking may actually lower a child’s IQ. They studied more than 17,000 university students from 32 countries and found that in the countries where more corporal punishment was used by the parents the average IQ was lower. They also reviewed data from IQ scores of children in the United States between the ages of 2 and 9. When the children’s IQ scores were tested four years later the children in the age group of 5 – 9, who were spanked, had an average loss of 2.8 points. In the younger age group of 2 – 4, the children who were not spanked scored 5 points higher than those who were. Murray Straus, a professor of sociology at the university released this statement: How often parents spanked made a difference. The more spanking, the slower the development of the child’s mental ability. But even small amounts made a difference.

Both of these studies should be enough evidence for parents to set spanking aside and seek alternatives.

Reason #3: We have been given a Biblical mandate to spank our children in Proverbs 13:24. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Some have shortened this passage by stating, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”

Rebuttal: Time to look closely at that passage and others like it. I have a complete article on my website entitled “Biblical Perspectives on Spanking.” I encourage you to read it in its entirety. http://www.thomashaller.com/PAbiblicalperspectivesonspanking.html

I offer a brief portion of that information here.

At first glance, Proverbs 13:24 appears to be a strong support of corporal punishment, but is it really? Through a closer examination of the Hebrew word for “rod” (shebet) one can see that in the Hebrew dictionary it has various meanings: a stick for walking, writing, fighting, ruling, and punishing. The word “shebet” is most frequently used when referring to shepherds who are tending their flocks. The shepherds used the stick to fight off prey and to gently guide wandering sheep, not beat them.

Please remember that the verse comes from a book of poetry. Writers of poetry use familiar words of the day to represent concepts that create an image in the readers mind. The image that readers are to extract from this verse in Proverbs is one of creating a culture of accountability. The point is that we as parents are to hold our children accountable for their choices and actions. There are many ways to hold children accountable and spanking never has to be one of them.

Reread the passage above and replace the reference to punishment and the use of the word rod with the word “accountability”. The meaning stays the same. Proverbs 13:24 can now be translated to read, “He who spares accountability hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to hold him accountable.”

Reason #4: Parents are losing a grip on their children because of “soft” parenting.

Rebuttal: It is not the severity of a discipline strategy that makes it effective. It is the certainty. The certainty that specific, logical consequences follow actions allows children to trust the discipline process. A parent’s consistency in implementing consequences is the glue that holds a discipline strategy together. Children learn that if they choose to leave their bike in the middle of the driveway, the bike will be hung up in the garage for a few days. Teenagers come to know that if they choose to visit off-limit sites on the computer, they have chosen to lose computer privileges for several days. When the consequence occurs consistently, children can count on it and plan accordingly.

Reason #5: Well it works. It gets kids to stop misbehaving and that’s what matters most.

Rebuttal: What matters most is not that our children blindly follow our demands but that they learn to make responsible choices and discover the keys to managing their own behavior in our absence. This is a concept of parenting with the end in mind. The current moment is seen as a teaching moment in which the lesson moves beyond the present and into the future of how to act differently next time. Spanking does not teach a child what to do differently it only reprimands and punishes that child for the behavior in the present. What children need in their lives are teachers and guides, not controllers and punishers.

Remember your role as a parent is to empower your children to be responsible, caring and confident as they move through the developmental stages of childhood. Avoiding spanking and seeking alternative parenting strategies will help you play out that role effectively.

Chick and I have set as our goal the task of assisting parents and educators in finding alternative discipline strategies. To that end we offer the Uncommon-Parenting blog, a free monthly newsletter (one for parents and another for teachers), books, on line courses, and frequent workshops. Take advantage of these opportunities. Sign-up for our free newsletter and blog, or bring us to your community. Reach out and take hold of what is available. Your children will benefit from it.

Thomas Haller