The Day My Father Spanked Me.
Posted: June 17th, 2010 by Chick Moorman & Thomas Haller
I don’t remember the reason. The precipitating incident that led to my father’s reaction was removed from my memory bank many years ago. I forgot most of the pieces of what led up to the one part I will never forget: The spanking I got from my father.
Maybe I lied. Maybe I swore. Maybe I disrespected my mother. I don’t know. What I do know is that the spanking that followed whatever it was that I had done had a huge impact on me.
I remember being sent to my room. This was in the go-to-your-room days, way before time-out had been invented. Lying on my bed, I could hear a muffled parental discussion going on in the living room. Although the content of that discussion was unclear to me, I knew my parents were having a disagreement about something.
After several minutes of chilling out on my bed, my father knocked on my bedroom door and entered. He didn’t wait to be invited. He just came in. He closed the door behind him and moved directly to the bed. “Get up,” he ordered. I complied. “Your mother thinks you deserve a spanking,” he told me, “and I agree. I told her I was going to spank you and now I’m going to do it.”
At this point I don’t remember feeling any panic. I didn’t know what to expect because I had never had a spanking before. I didn’t know whether to be afraid, surprised, or terrified. This was to be the first time (and the last time) my father ever hit me.
“Bend over and grab your ankles,” he said, sounding a lot like someone who had done this before (he had not) or had had it done to him. I complied again. My father landed three good whacks. The noise was loud and reverberated all the way to the living room where my mother could hear it.
My father’s hand was not what made the biggest impression on me that night. Rather it was the decision he made to place a thick book next to my rear end before his hand made contact. My father chose not to hit me. He decided, I guess, that dealing with my mother if she ever found out he faked it, would be better than hitting his son. My father didn’t tell me not to tell. But he did wink at me as he left the room.
To my knowledge that incident was never talked about in our home again. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I wish you were here today so we could debrief that incident and I could learn more about what I did to warrant a book being spanked.
I miss you.
Chick Moorman
That was not what I expected, Chick. Thank you for the heart warming story. Blessings to you and yours this Father’s Day…
Amy
17 Jun 10 at 8:29 am
Rather troubling to me, because of what it implied about his parents marriage. Lying to his wife, and the child knowing it is very disrespectful to his wife. Displaying that type of disrepsct as an example of how marriage works is rather harmful to children. If it was a one time thing it might not be a huge deal. He does not say in the post if it was a problem or not but if that was a pattern the lack of respect for women would be a pretty powerful message that gets passed on. Not really something I want my sons to get from their father.
D
17 Jun 10 at 8:36 am
While I’m glad that you didn’t get spanked, I have to agree with the other commentator that I think it sends a horrible message about the marriage. If your father didn’t think you deserved to be spanked, it would have been more honest and honorable to say so to his wife rather than staging the elaborate ruse. And why did he tell you that he agreed with your mother beforehand if he didn’t intend to follow through with the spanking.
I agree with the message, not to spank, but I read this as a great example of how not to teach your children that lies and subterfuge are acceptable in a marriage.
Christine
17 Jun 10 at 9:43 am
Awww Chick, that does explain a lot about the kind of person you are now. Ya know, not every moment can be used to teach everything always, or even any of the time. I don’t know why your father chose not to face down your mother in this case, maybe no one ever will, but he made the best decision he could at the time, and we have your living example of some excellent parenting techniques somewhere! Thank you for telling us. I am sure your dad knew your feelings.
By the by, that security code is almost impossible for those of us with low vision to read.
Pam
5 Jul 10 at 2:22 pm
Oh, I think this speaks of some strengths. Mother would probably have been very relieved to find out that the sounds were not an actual spanking. After all she couldn’t do it herself! Back then, we thought it was necessary. Unfortunately, I spanked my oldest children. By #’s 4&5(all boys) I learned different ways. A young stressed mom couldn’t think of anything else to do. I have told most of them and their wives that I was wrong. Now I work as a family suppport person so hopefully this generation will grow up learning from their mistakes without the fear of physical punishment and moms will have more tools in their discipline toolbox. Thanks for a great tool for me.
Marsha
6 Jul 10 at 12:30 pm
Yes, I am trembling and crying. It took me a minute to get the courage to even read this article after the torturous, ceremonial spankings my father put my sisters and I through. Sometime they were immediately after an infraction, sometimes for something that today seems petty like when we spilled grain feeding the animals, and sometimes he would wait until after dinner. The latter made the biggest impression when he would wait until everyone had finished eating, then with the hired farm hands still sitting at the table, he would summon the thick yardstick from the closet that he had named “George,” clear the furniture from the formal dining room, then call us by name to present ourselves. All this, and
Since becoming a parent, I have put myself in “time out” many times but I have also found myself spanking my child. Fortunately, this has been less than five times in his four years of life. Each time, I think I cry more than him. I spent 18 months of deep study and implementation of the “Love & Logic” techniques only to find them to be effective in the beginning then deteriorating to 30% effectiveness in recent months. My husband and I are now beginning our journey with Chick Moorman materials after seeing the positive effects hour son’s preschool teacher has had. As they say, so much to learn, so little time…
trembling MI mom
19 Jul 10 at 11:55 am