You’ve heard this advice before.

In the lawnmower arena it means check your oil before you start mowing the grass or you may end up wrecking a very expensive apparatus.

In the diet field, it means don’t let the fact that you had one ice cream cone lead to a bag of double-dipped chocolate covered peanuts and then on to pizza. Yes, notice the ice cream cone and check it. Refuse to allow that one diet deviation to cascade you down the slope of eating everything is sight. Don’t wreck your positive eating plan over one ice cream cone.

Check it before you wreck it is a notion that can be applied in many areas in our lives. One extremely important application of this information occurs when parenting.

Did you hear yourself yell at your child? Check it before you wreck it. One yell may not harm your relationship. An evening of yelling may. Use the one yell to notice your behavior. Take a step back. Take three deep breaths. Ask yourself, “How is that working for me?” Make a conscious decision about whether you want to go on yelling or not?

Did you notice yourself doing something for your child that she could be doing for herself? One helpful deed might be the sign of a good Samaritan. Many helpful deeds can lead to the creation of learned helplessness. Check it before you wreck it.

Did you refuse to hold your child accountable for a behavior they chose? Did you bail them out just this one time? Better check it. Bailing kids out by changing the consequences after the fact does not help them. It encourages them to believe that someone will always be there to rescue and save them. When your children do not see the cause and effect relationship that exists between the behaviors they choose and the outcomes they create, you have wrecked it.

Did you hear yourself tell your child the solution to their problem? One helpful suggestion at the right time can reduce a child’s stress and frustration. Too many solutions over time, does little to teach the child the solution-seeking process. It does not help them develop their inner authority. Before you wreck it, check it.

Notice the yell, the over-functioning, the failure to follow through with consequences, or any other negative parenting behavior. Refuse to get after yourself for parenting in a way that is inconsistent with your beliefs. Instead, congratulate yourself for noticing.  Celebrate the fact that you are becoming a conscious parent, that you are increasing your awareness. Pat yourself on the back. Then check it before you wreck it.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller